Hi, I’m Rachel and I’ve been single for 2 years and 9 months.
(This is the part where you say, “Hi, Rachel.”)
Being single is interesting. Being single and Christian, well that’s just plain difficult. Now don’t go jumping down my throat and explaining that being single is difficult no matter what your beliefs or practices. I completely agree and understand that. For me, I’ve tried this two ways and in all honesty, being a single Christian girl is more difficult for me. (See, I said for me, this is my story, remember?) 😉
My Christian walk, my faith, is not a religious practice. It’s not a Sunday morning thing. This is my everyday desire, to live a life that looks like Christ. So far, I’d say I’ve got the “Single Jesus” look going for me. It’s the whole pure, holy, selfless, miracles, signs, wonders and that whole dying thing I’m working on.
Before I desired to live my life this way, it was easy being single because, I didn’t have to be single long. If I wanted attention, a date, a kiss, I could get that easily. When I wanted to be in a relationship, I could get myself into one. The issue with that is I wasn’t thinking long-term vision. I was only thinking of the present desire and how to fill it.
There is a whole new level of awareness I have that makes it difficult for me to approach relationship the way I used to. I’m surrounded by married people. Two of my best friends are happily married and each have added to their coupledom with children. I’ve seen what goes into these commitments. They went in and threw the option of “getting out” out the window when they made their vows. They take very seriously the whole “until death do us part” thing. I have many examples in my church of what covenant between two people looks like.
It’s difficult. It’s selfless. It’s forever. It’s a choice everyday.
So I can’t take this lightly. I can’t walk into something just because of what I feel at that moment because the truth is, I won’t feel that way every moment of everyday. I realize that when I don’t feel like it, I’ll still have to choose to say, “yes” even if everything in me is screaming, “NO!”
With that being said …
Dear Future Husband,
I’m sitting in a coffee shop right now thinking about you. And this may seem strange, but I’m not even thinking about who you might be. I’m just curious about what your particular set of idiosyncrasies I will love you through. Trust me, I’m coming in this with a lot of annoying things about myself. I’m just banking on the hope that you’ll be able to put up with those things, maybe even find them endearing and help soften some edges with your qualities that will compliment mine.
Also, I want to make it clear, I’m not looking for you to complete me. It should be known that I laughed at that scene in Jerry McGuire. It didn’t make me fall in love or wish someone would say that to me. I felt bad for the woman in the movie like, “Wow, you’re gonna have your hands full trying to help him feel secure about himself.” Can we agree that the only thing we’re making whole is our relationship? I mean, neither you or I can be the whole relationship on our own so I think we should promise to both show up whole so our relationship will reflect that.
Anyway, I’m guessing you’re finding the whole waiting and seeking the Lord on marriage just as frustrating as I am. I want you to know that even though I don’t know you, I think you’re worth the wait. God’s told me a few things about you and you sound awesome. I’m working on using this time to just be His and work on some areas of my life that would be easier to walk through as a single person rather than in our marriage. And when we’re married, He is always going to be my first love and priority, but don’t you worry, He’s healing areas in my heart where you’ll get to be. I guess you could say we’re fixing up the place for your arrival.
I feel a little awkward but it feels good to get this off my chest. So I guess I’ll talk t you when we meet or whatever. I’ll see you then.
With all my love waiting for you,